3 Lies You May believe if you are sick and single

Today we are beginning a two part series called: Sick and Single.

Read Part 2: Fully Known & Fully Loved; Even When I’m Sick & Single

And can I share a little confession with you? I love love. I’m one of those people that enjoys the cheesy Hallmark movies that are so predictable and corny. I get little butterflies watching others love stories unfold. I love seeing people get married or celebrate their person. The idea of loving another person and committing onesself to another person fills me with warm fuzzy feelings.

But here’s another confession…

For a girl who loves love, there are a lot of fears and pain attached to that four letter word; especially as someone who is both simultaneously chronically ill and single.

Don’t get me wrong, there is absolutely nothing wrong with being single. Singleness is wonderful time to discover yourself, deepen your relationship with the Lord, and give your time and energy into other things. Singleness is also good and purposeful. In Scripture, Paul even says that in many ways it is better to remain single.

Related Post: The Best Books For Christian Singles

Buuuuuuuuuuuut singleness can also be really difficult. So in response to the love bomb that social media is experiencing due to Valentine’s Day, I wanted to talk about 3 lies you may be believing if you are sick and single. Not only are we going to identify these lies, but we are going to take them and look at them in light of what Scripture has to say.

Because whether or not you sick and whether or not you are single; you are deeply loved and wanted by a God who ardently loves you.

So what are the 3 lies you may be believing if you are sick and single? And what does Scripture have to say about them?

I read that lie above and it stings a little. And if you are currently struggling with this lie, there are a couple of things that I want to share with you that I hope you will take and hold deep in your heart.

I really want to take a moment to focus in on this word want. And I want to show you something that was extremely special to me whenever I learned it.

Because you are a living and breathing human being here, that means you are a purposeful act of creation.

Let’s look a this word creation for a moment. Whenever you set out to create something, the very action of creating requires intentionality, thought, and a desire to bring something forth.

And I think you and I can both agree that our God is a Creator. From the sunrise, to the smallest most minute cells of our bodies, we see the hand of God. And then He chose to make you. And the details of your creation are made up of the same care, intentionality, and thought.

For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother’s womb.

Psalm 139:13, ESV

In the verse above, both “formed” and “knitted” again speak to the act of creation and to the thoughtfulness and care with which we have been created.

Because creation requires purposeful intentionality, I dare say that creation implies want and a desire to bring something forth.

Not only are you a purposeful act of creation by God, but He desires to have a relationship with you.

He did not simply create you and then leave you to your own devices. Scripture is filled with example after example about God’s heart towards you and His desire for you to have a relationship with Him. You are wanted my friend, by a God who sees every single part of you and couldn’t possible love you anymore than He already does.

If I am being honest, at this stage in my life, I think this is where I have tended to struggle the most. You see, I can get past the first lie. Maybe someone will want to be with me, find me attractive, and want to do life with me. There’s a lid for every pot, right? However ever the phrase goes…but what about after?

Would my spouse become bitter towards me for my need for extra help?

Will someone grow tired of having to care for me?

What if my spouse resents me for “not being like other wives”?

I think that it is important that we first acknowledge that chronic illness and disability are an adjustment for everyone. I’ve been dealing with my own illnesses for a decade now and someone who enters the picture, whether now or later; it will be new to them. There is a certain level of grieving and adjustment for everyone and I think that is perfectly normal.

However, love at it’s very core is meant to be an action and sacrificial.

(22) Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of his wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. (24) Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands. (25) Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her (28) In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. (29) For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church (30) because we are members of His body.

Ephesians 5:22,24-25,28-30 ESV

Each of these verses imply a form of sacrifice. These verses would be applicable whether or not you are sick. There are no exceptions for the ways God desires for us to treat our spouses should one be a part of His will for our lives.

Marriage is meant to be a beautiful and tangible picture of the sacrificial love that Jesus shows to His church. Marriage is lifelong ministry to another person; loving them in the name and strength of Jesus.

I think that this is part of the reason why it is so important that we prayerfully navigate dating, relationships, and marriage. Someone who is yeilded to the Holy Spirit; someone who commits themselves to studying Scripture and becoming more like Christ will be able to love you and love you well.

No one will be able to completely love us like Christ does and expecting someone to fill up the parts of you that were created to be made whole only by Jesus isn’t fair. And, we are all still human beings that struggle and make mistakes. But someone who is pursuing Jesus and is committed to His relationship with Jesus will be able to mirror that love.

He will be able to go before the throne of God with you and for you. He will be able to take his hurts, pains, and desires before the Lord and seek to love you and fight for your marriage in the name of Jesus.

Whenever I think about this lie and that there are others who struggle with this, I just want to reach through the screen and give you a hug. Your worth is not based one bit on your body, your abilities, or your struggles.

I found myself recently going down the rabbit hole of relationship=worth. Transitioning into a wheelchair gave me a lot of confidence to be sure, but it also brought about some new internal struggles concerning my worth as a person with chronic illness and disability.

I caught myself thinking, “I wouldn’t feel so self-conscious or intimidated if someone chose to love me”. At the heart of it, I was really saying that my worth as a person with chronic illness or disability would be validated if someone chose me.

The Holy Spirit spoke softly to my heart, “Don’t you know how much I love you?”.

And I pose the same question to you – Do you know how much He loves you?

Let’s explore this for a moment.

There is a term, imago Dei, which means “made in the image of God”.

So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them.

Genesis 1:27, esv

God did not give His image to the birds to bare. He did not give His image to the grass or to the mountains. He purposefully created you, made a way for you to know Him, and He created you in His own image.

Let’s quickly take a look at a couple of verses from Scripture that go deeper into your worth that is found in Jesus.

but God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.

Romans 5:8, ESV

…knowing that you were ransomed from the futile ways inherited from your forefathers, not with perishable things such as silver or gold, but with the precious blood of Christ, like that of a lamb without blemish or spot.

1 Peter 1: 18-19

For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not of your own doing: it is the gift of God, not a result of works, so that no one may boast. For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them.

Ephesians 2:8-10, ESV

the LORD appeared to him from far away. I have loved you with an everlasting love; therefore I have continued my faithfulness to you.

Jeremiah 31:3, ESV

If these verses does not express to you how precious and full of worth that you are, I’m not sure what else will. There is a lot that we could unpack from these verses, so let’s break them down a little.

In 1 Peter 1:18-19, it says we were ransomed – meaning we were bought with a price; our sin debt was paid. “The futile ways inherited from your forefathers” refers to our sin nature.

We were bought with a price in order that we might be free of sin so that we could have relationship with God. This was done with the precious blood our the spotless, sinless, beautiful, loving King Jesus. He did this for us while we were still sinners (Romans 5:8, ESV).

You are so worthy of love because of who Jesus is. Jesus, being God’s only son, covers you and makes you worthy of standing before God by His blood. His blood covers you and makes you worthy.

One of the final thoughts I will leave you with comes from one of my favorite authors, Lysa TerKeurst. In her book Uninvited, she says,

Live from the abundant place that you are loved, and you won’t find yourself begging others for scraps of love…live loved”.

Lysa TerKeurst – Uninvited

Even though we may be single right now, we are already loved in the deepest ways we could ever imagine. The love of God is not a consolation prize for the single population and it is not second best to marriage. It is the love with which we are made whole and it is a love we have immediate access too.

So give yourself permission to live loved today. Because you are loved; deeply, ardently, and passionately loved.

Read Part 2: Fully Known & Fully Loved; Even When I’m Sick & Single

If this topic of the love of God is hitting home for you, I have created a free 28 Day Bible reading plan just for you called, “Discovering Your First Love”.

I hope this post was an encouragement to you! Let me know in the comments below – have you ever struggled with any of these lies??