I am so excited for this post today. With this post, we are beginning a new monthly series called “She Chose Hope” where you will get to read stories of hope by other ladies. All stories in this monthly collection can be found here.
For our very first “She Chose Hope”, we have my dear friend, Rachel Estes. Her and I met on Instagram. We share very similar diagnosis’ and with that, we connected very quickly. Even through we haven’t met in person yet due to being states away, she is such beautiful source of encouragement and friendship through chronic illness.
She is a wonderful artist, chronic illness activist, fellow service dog hander, and she sells antique books in her shop, Bobbie Jean’s Treasures. She is pretty great. And I am excited to share her story with you today.
She chose hope
Rooted in hope – A guest post by Rachel EStes
This time last year, I was running, hiking, and doing almost every other kind of physical exercise you can think of. I was planning and setting goals to move to Upstate New York. I was going to attend a small college up there and work at my dream job. Away from everything I knew and be able to start fresh.
But those plans were suddenly changed at the end of June 2020, when I began having debilitating symptoms and no answers in sight. I had to stop working, sell my brand new car as I couldn’t safely drive because of seizures and fainting, and I lost most of my normal mobility.
I had already postponed moving to New York because of COVID, but now this. All I could do was cry out to God. My body was falling apart and my mind was wanting to fall apart too.
I Surrender All
But I discovered that the simple surrender of crying out to God—in frustration, in brokenness, in joy—that was what helped root me in the hope of God’s promise.
The promise of provision
The promise of my salvation
The promise of finishing the work he had begun in my life.
So many promises that began to ground me.
I began writing these promises down. Looking through old photo memories reminding my heart of those times in my life when I thought my plan was best, but God had something better planned.
On Wings Like Eagles
Though physically I feel like I’m falling apart and there are times I feel completely finished, I’m able to solidly feel the support of those wings. The weight of disability is heavy, but the one who carries me and my weight is the mighty eagle. The Mighty God, the God of the Universe. The Lifter of our Heads, The Peace that comforts the weak, the God of the Storm, the Lord of the Rain.
I’m still exhausted and overwhelmed by my dreams. There is so much I dream and am planning to accomplish. I want to go to college in the fall. I want to do more in my life.
But the Lord has begun to remind me of the healing and purpose he has in my disability.
For the past couple years I’ve prayed that everything I do would only be possible with God. That people would be amazed at all I had accomplished despite circumstances so I could tell them “it wasn’t me, I couldn’t do any of this, I couldn’t get out of bed, if not for Christ”. That they would see that we humans can do nothing on our own. Our breath, our strength, our everything comes from God.
How often do we feel like we want to give up? We push and we push until we can no longer push it when we get to this point we fall……..
We fall so fast and hard that we feel like when we hit the ground nothing will remain but insignificant dust adding to the collecting dust from generations of more insignificant dust…..
But what happens instead of this falling to our wasteful death, we instead, are picked up and carried to the mountain by a loving shepherd. He carries us like stray sheep up that mountain. Up through the valleys and deep darkness of life’s suffering. He invites us to a safe place in Him.
The invitation is open. Don’t leave the gift unopened. Ask and you will receive. Seek and you will find. Knock and the door will be opened to you. Come and be received in your loving Father’s arm’s. Comforter to the hurting. Provider for the needy. Hope for the hopeless. Kindness to the afflicted. Joy for a saddened heart.
Hope. True Hope. No tricks or good works to fulfill. Just your heart. Your broken, wounded, dead heart. For we were dead and made ALIVE by the shedding of Christ’s blood on the cross and the resurrection on the third day.
For we don’t have to live serving a god that is gone and all that is left is legacy and rules. We live knowing the true God with a living legacy and living and active word. A legacy and inheritance that is ours! God’s Word and action in our daily lives. By the power of the Holy Spirit we have access to constant communion with Christ.
Rejoice, Oh Heart, Rejoice!
I will rejoice in the moments when I feel I can’t see if front of me. I will rejoice because my Father is King of Kings, Lord of Lords, Redeemer, Rescuer.
The reassuring thing about not knowing what your next step is going to be is that the God of the Universe does know. He knows what we will be doing at 3:00 pm in 10 years. He is the one orchestrating our life. So we don’t have to worry or stress over it. Because he is in control. So rejoice! Oh my heart rejoice! Sing praise to him! For he is good and mighty. All we must do is listen and obey. Wait for the Lord and do good.
I don’t know what next week holds, or even next month. It is a journey that I am on and I have to accept that amidst this season of illness and unknown he is going to finish what he has begun in my life. It may look different than I thought, but that’s okay. He has a plan and all I need to do is hold onto His truth and rejoice despite my present circumstance. That is the hope I cling to. The hope I live to declare to the world. The TrueHope of Jesus.
“Have you not known? Have you not heard? The Lord is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He does not faint or grow weary; his understanding is unsearchable. He gives power to the faint, and to him who has no might he increases strength. Even youths shall faint and be weary, and young men shall fall exhausted; but they who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint.”
Isaiah 40:28-31, ESV
And this is the root of our hope to carry on.
Prayer for our hearts
Father, I pray you will continue to plant us firmly in your truth. Help us remember your promises. Help us cling to you. Give us hopeful, joyful hearts. Shine your light on us so that people see the light of Christ when they see us. Give us strength and endurance to continue on this journey and season of life. We believe in your plans and trust you are using our present sufferings. I pray we will not waste our suffering and that you will help us cling to the hope of your name, Father.
In Jesus name I pray, Amen.
Your sister in Christ,
Rachel H. Estes
About the author
Hi I’m Rachel. I am a daughter of the King. He gives me the strength to make it through every second of my day. Art is my therapy and I love creating art that helps others understand and feel their emotions. I love to write about the good, the hard and the beautiful things in life. I own an online used bookshop called Bobbie Jean’s Treasures. Plants and music are my happy place. I’d love to get to know you, so feel free to connect on social media. My DMs are always open. You can find me on Instagram.
Want to submit your own story for “She Chose Hope”? Please email hello@cassidysheart.com with the subject: MY STORY.
