A She Chose Hope Story by Jemelene Wilson
She Chose Hope – Introductions
Welcome to this month’s She Chose Hope Story. It is my joy to introduce you to writer Jemelene Wilson. She has such a beautiful testimony to share with us today and I can hardly wait for you to get to read it!
Click here to catch up on the rest of the She Chose Hope Stories
Hope is a Person (By: Marian Frizzell)
I’m a talker so it isn’t often I’m at a loss for words but today is one of those days. Well, if I’m honest we know that it’s been one of those years for all of us. As new on a global scale swirls around us I’ve often thought that the past two years has been a steady stream of waiting for the other shoe to drop.
In case you aren’t familiar with the term, “Waiting for the other shoe to drop” it originated in the late 19th and early 20th century. The story goes like this: “In the tenements of New York City in, apartments were built with bedrooms on top of one another. It was common to hear your upstairs neighbor take off a shoe, drop it, and then repeat the action. It became shorthand for waiting for something you knew was coming.”
Over two years ago I left a position I had fought for and loved in order to pursue my dreams of ministering to souls that were hurting.
The grief process is something I’m familiar with I felt prompted earlier in the year to resign. Stress had produced a number of health issues but more than that, my soul seemed to whisper, “It’s time”. As I stepped from an old dream, walking into a new one, very little went as planned.
The new journey started with a vacation followed by a sabbatical. As I entered into rest, it was obvious I needed more soul care than self-care (although sometimes they cross over). I found a good Spiritual Director and began sorting out more of what I needed to know about who I am. We decided together to extend the time of seeking God before stepping into my next thing. It turned out to be the more that I realized.
A routine – much overdue – mammogram found cancer.
Suddenly my time to gain strength for others became about my own health and healing. The focus switched and medical appointments became the focus. Poking, prodding, and doing everything within my power to keep the spirits up of those around me. Using my own self-talk became the path I took to keeping my attitude straight and my hope intact.
This was all at the end of 2019. As healing progressed and radiation began, the world shut down. No one was there to celebrate as the medal was draped around my neck. A few months later, walking out of a checkup the sky had become black with a vicious fire engulfing our entire community. It was surreal and a literal darkness falling over everything. At 2 pm I drove with my lights on and thankful for the little relief the mask gave.
The list of losses is long but I’m not alone.
The thing is, 2021 came and we all drew a collective breath, hoping it would be a sigh of relief but that hasn’t been the case. There hasn’t been a four-week period this year where we haven’t lost someone or at least have walked through the grieving of others, but we keep walking.
Related: 5 Things Grief is Not
What started with a longer time set apart for rest and reflection is now broken into daily moments. Learning to breathe in hope and exhale joy has found its way into small, sabbath moments, giving life in the same way oxygen travels in our blood. So many moments this year have felt like waiting for the next hard thing to drop into our lives. The loud banging of another shoe. The questions in our hearts begging to know when we will rest again.
My cancer is gone, loved ones are no longer in pain and like manna, the God of Hope gives enough strength for the moment and in turn the day. I’m learning to rest in the small moments of peace to reflect on those times he has brought me through. What I call the “Even If” moments where I know, no matter what happens, God is still good.
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Jemelene Wilson writes about what it means to live gently and love passionately. She is deliriously in love with her husband, whom she’s known for over half of her life. Officially the mother of three, Mama Jem has also been known to mother those who just need some old-fashioned love. Conquering breast cancer and tackling grief have been her most recent focus. Building an environment of grace is the foundation of her ministry as a pastor and mentor. Someday she may choose to act her age, but don’t count on it.
If you want to get to know Jemelene more, you can find her on her blog or on Instagram.
