I transitioned to a wheelchair & did a celebratory photoshoot

If you missed it, in this post, I gave the inside scoop and latest updates from my life in the past year. One of the biggest changes and transitions was that I became a wheelchair user. I am not bound to my wheelchair and do still walk sometimes if the outing is short or I am feeling well. A person that needs a wheelchair but can also still walk is called being an ambulatory wheelchair user.

For the most part, I have been using it at the recommendation of my doctor whenever I go out in order to prevent POTS episodes. I also use it at home to minimize the amount of time I’m standing or whenever I am having really bad symptomatic days. So far, more than anything else I have done, my wheelchair has been one of my most invaluable tools in regaining independence and getting back to discovering myself and restoring my confidence.

I didn’t realize how much distrust I had in my body due to having such frequent and random episodes and how that impacted they way I interacted with others.

In July, I was excitedly awaiting the arrival of my new custom TiLite ZRA wheelchair.

While there was definitely excitement, there were a number of mixed emotions that I began to feel. I wondered:

• Will my wheelchair prevent me from getting a job?
• How will I use both my wheelchair and my service dog?
• Will people treat me differently for having a mobility aid?
• Will I encounter accessibility issues? (Yes, yes I would!)
• Will I be judged for being able to walk?
• and honestly, as a single woman, I felt like getting a wheelchair would just be one more thing for a future partner to have to “look past” in order to want to have a relationship with me or find me desirable. Incurable disorder, multiple doctors appointments a week, home health nurses, a service dog, and a wheel chair only scratch the surface of how chronic illness impacts my life…it’s a lot for just me to grasp let alone bringing another person into it all and hoping they’ll love it all. I’m glad God has all that sorted out and I have a much healthier perspective now, but I really struggled with this in the beginning.

But then the day came when my brand new wheelchair showed up at the front door and most of those fears have faded away.

I remember my first outing in my wheelchair, fumbling through how to get it out of the car and pushing with all my might to get up the wheelchair ramp into the plaza. But then I rolled inside; Firehouse Subs. What a perfect place for my first outing. I was able to actually wait in line without the all too familiar quickening of my heart rate as it protested my standing position. I didn’t have to rush in order to beat the invisible timer leading to an episode that my body seems to start whenever I change positions.

I grabbed my cup, but it between my knees and rolled over to the drink station and then finally settled into one of those dalmation printed tables after moving around some chairs. As my gluten-free sub graced the space in front of me, I looked up to my mom across from me as tears welled up in my eyes.

It dawned on me that now I could just be. And in that moment, the Lord spoke to my heart and reminded me that this too was a victory worth celebrating.

It may seem weird that a wheelchair could be seen as a symbol of victory and hope, but that moment at Firehouse Subs, it immediately struck me that this is exactly what it is. It’s a victory that allows me to show up more authentically and just be. A victory that allow my body to not fight so hard to remain upright. A victory that is a tool which allows me more independence.

I choose to celebrate my chair because not only does it give me renewed ability, but it reminds me that even in our deepest sorrows and most profound weaknesses, He never leaves us or abandons us. He fights alongside us, faithful through it all. Sometimes, our victories coincide with our deepest pains and hardest battles. But He is always working, redeeming, and restoring.

So, I celebrated with a photoshoot!

I wanted these pictures to be a reminder to me even on the hardest days that I am still beautiful, still worthy of being loved well, still capable and able, and strong.

I hope you enjoyed looking through these pictures as much as I enjoyed having them done!

ALSO! These pictures were done by an amazing photographer named Brandi Richardson. You can check out her work here.

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